Renaissance News Report

After a long first week at work, I’m having trouble getting going this morning…afternoon…what the devil time is it anyway…ok so let’s try being sarcastic about the news. Sometimes that wakes me up:

* The Democrats took over Congress and California’s Nancy Pelosi was elected the first woman Speaker of the House (which puts her second in line for the Presidency…boo). Please do not be the giant fecktards the last Congress was. Just a request.

* President Bush’s new Iraq strategy seems to be the “troop surge” which would involve sending a bunch MORE troops (which, btw, are going to come frome where exactly) in to pacify Iraq. Basically, doing what should have been done if we were going to do this stupid thing in the first place FOUR years after we should have done it doesn’t seem like the greatest idea to me…but then I’m barely awake, what do I know?

* U.S. businesses created a stronger-than-expected 167,000 jobs in December, while the tight labor market helped propel workers’ wages at the fastest pace in six years, the government said Friday. The unemployment rate remained at a low 4.5%, as more people entered the workforce looking for jobs. Totally stole that off the AP wire, but it looked like news but it wasn’t interesting enough for me to rewrite…Lord I’m lazy.

* Momofuku Ando, the Japanese inventor of instant noodles such as “Chicken Ramen” and “Cup Noodle,” has died, according to Nissin Food Products Co., the company he founded. He was 96.

* Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas on Saturday declared Hamas’ paramilitary militia in the Gaza Strip illegal, which I’m sure should shame Hamas right into stopping murdering people immediately.

* Japanese and U.S. officials warned Friday of tougher measures against North Korea if the isolated communist nation conducts a second nuclear test. These may involve steps as drastic as “tsking” and even a national “tut tut”. These guys are the freaking scary ones, why aren’t we talking about them???

* San Diego Chargers RB LaDanian Tomlinson was overwhelmingly elected NFL MVP. The Saints’ Sean Payton was NFL Coach of the Year. Titans QB Vince Young was Rookie of the Year.

* Steelers coach Bill Cowher is stepping down from a position I rank somewhere more important than President of the United States and slightly less important than God. I’m so pissed about this. I loved Cowher. How dare he, knowing I live and die with the Steelers, break up with me? Bastard.

* The NY Yankees sent Randy Johnson back to the Diamondbacks for…well, nothing worth remembering. Salary dump.

* Ian Mc Kellen has joined the cast of Stardust as the narrator.

* Kevin Smith will be in Die Hard 4 for reasons that pass my understanding.

* Indiana Jones 4 starts shooting in June. I still don’t believe it will happen. The movie could be playing at my local theater and I still won’t believe it’s happening.

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