Movie Review: The Counselor (2013)

Michael Fassbender, Brad Pitt, The Counselor

 

I honestly didn’t walk into The Counselor with a lot of high expectations.  The reviews haven’t been great.  Ridley Scott has not been on a roll with his directorial choices.  Cormac McCarthy, who wrote the screenplay-his first, isn’t a particular favorite of mine even for his landmark works like The Road and No Country For Old Men.

I walked out of The Counselor, with a group of similarly puzzled and traumatized people, drove home, and when asked there to summarize how it was….I just muttered a few things and wandered out of the room.  It’s not that it’s just bad (because it IS bad).  It’s a phenomenal level of pretentiously high-handed bad mixed with moments that I suppose are suppose to shock or titillate, but just end up further alienating the viewer from what is already a more alien movie that Prometheus ever was.

Javier Bardem, The CounselorReally a better title for this movie would have been “A Series of Frustratingly Vague Meetings”.  I’m not exaggerating when I say that 90% of the film is Michael Fassbender going from meeting to meeting to meeting with other characters in the film, who sometimes get spin-off meetings, to discuss what I think was a drug deal that went really wrong.  I cannot confirm that with any certainty, because the characters ……I don’t know what the opposite of exposition is (let’s just call it introposition), but at no time is the comprehension of events by the film’s viewers made a priority by McCarthy’s wreck of a script or Scott’s lazy direction.

The film does have a great cast.  Penelope Cruz, Michael Fassbender, Javier Bardem, Cameron Diaz and Brad Pitt are a talented bunch of people.  The only one of them though that really takes that drivel given to him and makes it dance is Brad Pitt.  Unfortunately, his character is only in about 15 minutes of the film and he’s the closest thing to a script translator the film has.  I could almost figure out what in the seven blue hells was supposed to be going on with this film when he was there.

This is a mess.  A giant, giant mess.  Why in the world wasn’t any theater near where I live showing 12 Years as a Slave?  Ridley Scott has successfully removed himself, after years of attempts, from my list of relevant film directors.
1.75/10 (You can thank Brad for the 1.75)

PS – In the category of things I cannot describe and cannot unsee, what Cameron Diaz did to that poor defenseless convertible is something I’m never going to be able to scrub from my memory.

 

 

New Anchorman 2 Poster…It’s Literally a Big Deal

Anchorman 2, Will Ferrell, Paul Rudd, David Koechner, Steve Carrell

Yesterday a new trailer; today a poster whose magnificence and gigantitude befits the icons it depicts.  It is undeniably…classy.  Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues will open on December 20, 2013.

Bioshock Infinite “Burial at Sea Pt. 1” Release Date and Achievements

Bioshock Infinite

Xbox 360 Achievements has a release date and the trophies/achievements for the first story-driven piece of DLC from Bioshock Infinite.  Burial at Sea will be a two-part story featuring Booker and Elizabeth in Rapture, the city under the sea from the first two Bioshocks, at the height of its glory.  The first part of the story will be released on November 12th.  Bioshock Infinite, Breaking Bad Season 5.5 and Gravity are the three indelible entertainment experiences of 2013 thus far and I can’t wait to dive back in to that world.

BioShock Infinite: Burial at Sea – Episode 1 features Rapture as you’ve never seen it before,” says Irrational. “A shining jewel at the bottom of the ocean, built almost entirely from scratch in the BioShock Infinite game engine.

“Join Booker and Elizabeth in a film noir-style story that places them in a shining, pristine Rapture on the eve of its fall from grace. Explore the underwater city, try your hand at a grift or two, and even encounter some old ‘friends’ from the original BioShock.”

Now, for achievement hunters (passed 90,000 gamerscore last night WOO HOO!) like myself, there will be 250 points to be had and here’s the released list of objectives, though some are kept secret for story reasons.

DLC: Burial at Sea, Episode 1
Cost: $9.99 USD Achievements: 10 Points: 250

 
Audio Enthusiast50 Collect all Audio Diaries in Burial at Sea – Episode 1. 
Fully Equipped10 Purchase any two upgrades for Old Man Winter or Radar Range in Burial at Sea – Episode 1.
Confirmed Luddite10 Destroy ten Turrets in Burial at Sea – Episode 1.
Cook and Serve10 Make 5 enemies explode with the Radar Range in BioShock Infinite: Burial at Sea – Episode 1.
Chain Reaction50 Damage fifteen foes with an exploding enemy, using the Radar Range in Burial at Sea – Episode 1.
Break the Ice10 Shatter 5 enemies who have been frozen with Old Man Winter.
Snowball Effect10 Freeze 2 enemies with the same Old Man Winter trap.

Secret Achievements

Down in the Briney25 Took a Bathysphere ride in Burial at Sea – 1.
Burial at Sea50 Completed Burial at Sea – 1.
Going Places25 Rode the tram in Burial at Sea – 1.

Bioshock Infinite, Songbird, Elizabeth

 

Incredible Batman Beyond Art by James Zapata

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I had a lot of problems with Batman Beyond when it premiered. Mostly because I have problems whenever it’s not Bruce in the batsuit, but over a decade, the universe has built a very deep mythology and niche for itself in the Bat canon. This portrait of, what appears to be, a mature Terry McGuiness in an evolved version of the suit is stunning. Please go visit the artist’s website (www.jameszapata.com) and check out his work. This is stellar. If Warner Brothers is smart (this is a pause for hilarious laughter), they’d realize a Batman Beyond franchise offers them a whole lot more wiggle room than operating in the current DCU. I’d be there on day one for a live action movie.