Magical Color Changing Houses

I live in a blue house. Or at least I did when I left for work yesterday. So I’m driving home from work (admittedly already a touch addled by benadryl and 9 hours of keeping my own company in a small room) and I turn the corner and start to drive into my drive way and I happen to look up. I notice that the house is no longer blue (I am crafty like this). The house is now white and green. Now, since I have done such things in the past as:
A)Drive my car THROUGH a house
B)Get lost in my own neighborhood
C)Cruise without thinking to a place where I no longer work
I stopped my car. This, after the whole inserting my car into a house incident, became my first reaction when faced with dilemmas whilst driving. I then called my fiancee, who has never driven a car through a house nor gotten lost in our neighborhood.
“Honey?”
“Uh huh.”
“This may seem, on the surface, a stupid question….but what color is our house?”
“Creme Brule and Forrest Green.”
“….was it at one point blue?”
“It was before the painters got here this morning and painted it.”
“So I wasn’t imagining that?”
“No, I would say that your grasp of the house’s color is stunning.”
“Right then….so if I come inside, it’ll still be the same house, correct?”
“Yes.”
“Excellent…..creme brule and forrest green look an awful lot like white and green to me.”
“Well there you are retarded because they are clearly creme brule and forrest green.”
“Um Hm….k then, my mistake.”

Renaissance News Report

I hate the Oscars. I literally cannot stand how stupid they are sometimes. I don’t know why I let them do this to me every year. The actual ceremony doesn’t usually piss me off nearly as much as nomination day, but I’ll list them below for form’s sake. Today’s been oddly quiet at work so far, which figures since I got here earlier than usual. Eh, just means I can leave that much earlier.

* Hillary Clinton is running for President. NUH UH. Least. Climactic. Announcement. Ever.

* State of the Union speech tonight. First time Bush will be delivering one to a Democratic-controlled Congress. So instead of 100 interrruptions for applause, we should expect somewhere in the neighborhood of 65. When did the State of the Union turn into a fatuous clapping contest? It’s easier to just read the text later than to sit through all the inane applauding.

* In case I wasn’t annoying enough about it earlier, I picked both games right on Sunday and your Super Bowl is Colts vs. Bears. In case the media hasn’t hammered it home enough, both coaches are black, which means we’ll have our first Super Bowl winner coached by an African-American. Hopefully, as was the case when Doug Williams won for the Redskins in ’87, which killed the “black QB” talk, we’ll no longer have to endure “black head coach” babble that seems to stem from the weird notion that only a Lombardi trophy can bestow success upon a minority in the NFL.

* Dallas coach Bill Parcells retired…again…after 19 years in the NFL.

* Here are the aforementioned idiot Oscar noms:
Best Picture: Babel, The Departed, Letters From Iwo Jima, Little Miss Sunshine, The Queen.

Actor: Leonardo DiCaprio, Blood Diamond ; Ryan Gosling, Half Nelson ; Peter O’Toole, Venus ; Will Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness ; Forest Whitaker, The Last King of Scotland.

Actress: Penelope Cruz, Volver ; Judi Dench, Notes on a Scandal ; Helen Mirren, The Queen ; Meryl Streep, The Devil Wears Prada ; Kate Winslet, Little Children.

Supporting Actor: Alan Arkin, L ittle Miss Sunshine ; Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children ; Djimon Hounsou, Blood Diamond ; Eddie Murphy, Dreamgirls ; Mark Wahlberg, The Departed.

Supporting Actress: Adriana Barraza, Babel ; Cate Blanchett, Notes on a Scandal ; Abigail Breslin, Little Miss Sunshine ; Jennifer Hudson, Dreamgirls ; Rinko Kikuchi, Babel.

Directing: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Babel ; Martin Scorsese, The Departed ; Clint Eastwood, Letters From Iwo Jima ; Stephen Frears, The Queen ; Paul Greengrass, United 93.

Foreign Language Film: After the Wedding, Denmark; Days of Glory (Indigenes), Algeria; The Lives of Others, Germany; Pan’s Labyrinth, Mexico; Water, Canada.

Adapted Screenplay: Sacha Baron Cohen and Anthony Hines and Peter Baynham and Dan Mazer and Todd Phillips, Borat Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan ; Alfonso Cuaron and Timothy J. Sexton and David Arata and Mark Fergus and Hawk Ostby, Children of Men ; William Monahan, The Departed ; Todd Field and Tom Perrotta, Little Children ; Patrick Marber, Notes on a Scandal.

Original Screenplay: Guillermo Arriaga, Babel ; Iris Yamashita and Paul Haggis, Letters From Iwo Jima ; Michael Arndt, Little Miss Sunshine ; Guillermo del Toro, Pan’s Labyrinth ; Peter Morgan, The Queen.

Animated Feature Film: Cars, Happy Feet, Monster House.

Art Direction: Dreamgirls,The Good Shepherd, Pan’s Labyrinth, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, The Prestige.

Cinematography: The Black Dahlia, Children of Men, The Illusionist, Pan’s Labyrinth, The Prestige.

Sound Mixing: Apocalypto, Blood Diamond, Dreamgirls,Flags of Our Fathers, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.

Sound Editing: Apocalypto, Blood Diamond, Flags of Our Fathers, Letters From Iwo Jima, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest.

Original Score: Babel, Gustavo Santaolalla; The Good German, Thomas Newman; Notes on a Scandal, Philip Glass; Pan’s Labyrinth, Javier Navarrete; The Queen, Alexandre Desplat.

Original Song: I Need to Wake Up from An Inconvenient Truth, Melissa Etheridge; Listen from Dreamgirls, Henry Krieger, Scott Cutler and Anne Preven; Love You I Do from Dreamgirls, Henry Krieger and Siedah Garrett; Our Town from Cars, Randy Newman; Patience from Dreamgirls, Henry Krieger and Willie Reale.

Costume: Curse of the Golden Flower, The Devil Wears Prada, Dreamgirls, Marie Antoinette, The Queen.

Documentary Feature: Deliver Us From Evil, An Inconvenient Truth, Iraq in Fragments, Jesus Camp, My Country, My Country.

Documentary (short subject): The Blood of Yingzhou District, Recycled Life,Rehearsing a Dream, Two Hands.

Film Editing: Babel, Blood Diamond, Children of Men,The Departed, United 93.

Makeup: Apocalypto, Click, Pan’s Labyrinth.

Animated Short Film: The Danish Poet, Lifted, The Little Matchgirl, Maestro, No Time for Nuts.

Live Action Short Film: Binta and the Great Idea (Binta Y La Gran Idea), Eramos Pocos (One Too Many), Helmer & Son,The Saviour, West Bank Story.

Visual Effects: Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Poseidon, Superman Returns.

Academy Award winners previously announced this year:

Honorary award (Oscar statuette): Ennio Morricone

Jean Hersholt humanitarian award: Sherry Lansing

Monnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnndddddddddddddaaaaaaaaaaaaayy

You know those people who pop out of bed with all the pep and energy of a meth fiend? Yeah, I’m not one of those people. I’m one of those people who has a daily battle with something extremely foul being the first thing they say in the morning, commits assault on alarm clocks with regularity, and-until some coffee gets into my system-I am a very real danger to family and friends. I mention that because people here all seem to be morning people. One more person wishes me a “good morning” with unnatural enthusiasm, and I am seriously going to lose what passes for my mind. That being said, my entire reason for posting is to gloat that I was right in my picks and we have a Bears vs. Colts Super Bowl. All hail the Oracle…but do it quietly and try to be sullen or unhappy or something when you do it.

Renaissance News Report

Sweet Jupiter, Friday is moving slowly. Where art thou, news…..

* A former beautician who injected cooking oil into a client, killing the woman, was sentenced to 15 years in prison. Martha Mata Vasquez injected Mazola corn oil into the buttocks of clients claiming the “French polymer” treatment would reduce wrinkles. She charged up to $1,400 for each procedure, prosecutors said. LOL LOL oh it’s so wrong, oh I want be sympathetic, but it’s too good.

* The Transportation Security Administration is reviewing how a 9-year-old boy got a boarding pass, and boarded a flight to Phoenix and then a connecting flight to San Antonio. Southwest also is investigating. The boy had never flown before, nor even been to an airport. Everyone feelin’ safe now?

* The House voted today to change the way it oversees its teenage pages in wake of a recent scandal, creating a partisan balance on the panel that watches over them and adding an ex-page and a parent to the board. Just as an additional suggestion, we could stop electing deviants to Congress. Anyone? No? Just me? Ok.

* NBC is expanding the Today Show to four hours.

* Lindsay Lohan’s back in rehab. Apparently Red Bull wasn’t an effect substitute for hooch.

Renaissance News Report

I should be doing these more often, but as it happens, I actually am required to work at my new job. This stunning development has cut my productivity in useless pursuits by 89%. I, too, am sorrowful. I seem to have a pretty dull afternoon here though so let’s see what’s been going on:

* Surprising absolutely no one since he’s been practically annointed as the savior of the Democratic party, Sen. Barrack Obama is running for President in 2008.

* The National Weather Service will stop issuing countywide severe weather warnings this fall, instead putting out warnings that are more geographically specific, the federal government said Tuesday. I bet ours will be something along the lines of “you live in California….it’s sunny…take it all in stride.”

* In a mysterious bit of monkey business from Shreveport, LA, a female at a chimpanzee sanctuary has given birth, despite the fact that the facility’s entire male chimp population has had vasectomies. No comment from monkey house employees.

* A radio station fired three morning disc jockeys and seven other employees Tuesday after a woman died from drinking nearly two gallons of water in a contest. What was the contest, you ask? I’m so glad you did. HOLD YOUR WEEWEE FOR A WII. Contestants drank as much water as the could in 15 minutes and then tried to hold out as long as they could from relieving themselves. That woman who died? Yeah, she was the runner-up. The winner? IN A COMA. ON LIFE SUPPORT. This is the dumbest thing a radio station has ever done, which when you consider all radio stations do, says something. If ever there was a case for criminal negligence this is it. I’m sure I don’t need to point that out to every lawyer in the greater Sacremento area, who will probably be making money off this case for the next decade.

* A group of senators including a Republican war critic announced agreement Wednesday on a resolution opposing President Bush’s 21,500 troop build up in Iraq, setting the markers for a major clash between the White House and Congress over the unpopular war. Trying to think of the last time I was rooting for Congress in anything….give me a second….no, we’d better come back to this.

* Hillary Clinton thinks we should pull out of Iraq, just in time for Obama’s announcement. Huh, coincidence? After she supported the war for four years? Me thinkey not.

* President Bush on Tuesday criticized the handling of Saddam Hussein’s execution, saying it looked like “kind of a revenge killing” that had eroded the American public’s faith in the Iraqi government. Yep, kind of looked just like that, but I don’t think THAT is what has erroded faith so much as the carbombings, insurgency, and daily incompetence over a fricking olympiad (gosh I took snarky pills today).

* Your final four for the NFL:
AFC Championship Game-Indianapolis Colts vs. New England Patriots
NFC Championship Game-New Orleans Saints vs. Chicago Bears
Super Bowl Pick: Bears vs. Colts

* The Indiana Pacers are sending starters Al Harrington, Stephen Jackson and reserves Sarunas Jasikevicius and Josh Powell to the Golden State Warriors for Troy Murphy, Mike Dunleavy, Ike Diogu and Keith McLeod.

* Sammy Sosa is close to signing a deal with the Texas Rangers that would bring him back to the MLB after a year off.

* Free agent forward Chris Webber has signed with the Detroit Pistons.

* The Arizona Cardinals hired former Steelers offensive coordinator Tom Whisenhunt to be their next failed head coach. Fricking job is a career death sentence.

* The Office, My Name is Earl, Heroes, and Law & Order: SVU got early renewals for next season from NBC.

* Gwynneth Paltrow has joined Terrence Howard and Robert Downey Jr. in the cast of the upcoming Iron Man adaptation.

* After casting Steve Carrell as Maxwell Smart and Anne Hathaway as Agent 99 in the upcoming big-screen version of Get Smart, The Rock, and Terrance Stamp have now been added to the cast.

* HBO will be adapting George RR Martin’s fantasy saga “A Song of Fire and Ice” into a series, the plan being to adapt one book each season (currently Martin has written four books, with the fifth coming out this year). I am in a geektastic frenzy over this.

* In case you missed the Golden Globes (and I did my usual thing of just looking at the winners after the east coast version of the broadcast had aired) here’s your rundown:
BEST MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Babel
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Helen Mirren – The Queen
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Forest Whitaker – The Last King of Scotland
BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Dreamgirls
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Meryl Streep – The Devil Wears Prada
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Sacha Baron Cohen – Borat
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
Cars
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
Letters From Iwo Jima (USA/Japan)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Jennifer Hudson – Dreamgirls
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Eddie Murphy – Dreamgirls
BEST DIRECTOR – MOTION PICTURE
Martin Scorsese – The Departed
BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
Peter Morgan – The Queen
BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – MOTION PICTURE
Alexandre Desplat – The Painted Veil
BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
“The Song of the Heart” – Happy Feet
Music & Lyrics by: Prince Rogers Nelson
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
“Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Kyra Sedgwick – “The Closer”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Hugh Laurie – “House”
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
“Ugly Betty” (ABC)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
America Ferrera – “Ugly Betty”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Alec Baldwin – “30 Rock”
BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
“Elizabeth I” (HBO)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Helen Mirren – “Elizabeth I”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Bill Nighy – “Gideon’s Daughter”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Emily Blunt – “Gideon’s Daughter”
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Jeremy Irons – “Elizabeth I”

* Survivor has been renewed for 2 more seasons by CBS.

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