Gettin’ Christmassy

I grew up in an artificial tree household. Every year my dad would drag the box out of storage and assemble the tree, and we’d all learn a few new words we could try out at school as he tried to make it all fit together. Last year was the first year that I had a live Christmas tree. I have to say, there’s no comparison. You gotta go live. The whole ritual of going and picking out the perfect tree, kicks of the Christmas season. My clan went to Home Depot last night and got a 7 foot Douglas fir, strapped it to my car, and it is now awaiting decorations in my living room.

This, by the way, was a much better purchase than the one my fiancee made at Rite Aid earlier in the day. She bought this 3 foot tall stuffed bear in a soldier suit that sings “The Little Drummer Boy” every time someone passes it. It’s motion-sensitive. It’s very VERY motion sensitive. So I’d be sleeping (which I occasionally do) and every time one of the dogs would wander past it…COME THEY TOLD ME PA RUM PA PUM PUM…..I’d fall back asleep and 10 minutes later….A NEWBORN KING TO SEE PA RUM PA PUM PUM….I’d fall back asleep now dreaming of stuffed bear decapitation and 10 minutes later….OUR FINEST GIFTS TO BRING PA RUM PA PUM PUM….you get it. All night long. So I’m a bit blearly eyed today. I’m sure I’ll be cynical and motivated later and write the RN, but right now I’m trying to scrub that song out of my head.

Renaissance News Report

After lunch, things are usually pretty dead around SCC until there is an inevitable crisis at 4pm. So, seeing as how I have 2.5 hours to kill until someone throws me a migraine, let’s look at the news:

* Taco Bell is removing all green onions from their restaurants until they can determine that they’re safe. This is after an E-coli scare. I’ve always blamed scallions for many of the worlds ills, and have long been suspicious of their ambition for power.

* An independent panel headed up by former Secretary of State James Baker recommended the US pull out of Iraq by 2008, calling the system “grave and deteriorating”. President Bush has promised to take the report seriously, and as he will be pulling out of the White House in 2008 that should give him all kinds of free time to meet with widows and orphans….not that I’m sour on the President or anything.

* The Vatican thinks they found St. Paul’s tomb. I don’t have anything witty to say about this, but woo hoo, holy bones, cool beans.

* The Boston Red Sox signed Dodgers outfielder JD Drew for 5 years $70 million…this pleases me because I think it’s a moronic deal and I’m a Yankees fan.

* Barry Bonds is wandering around the winter baseball meetings in Florida looking for a team stupid enough to pay a tremendous amount of money for someone who, more than likely, will be banned for life. I’m pulling for the Red Sox.

* Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn apparently broke up…but since they never admitted they were together…how can you break up? Never mind I’ve had that relationship too.

* The National Board of Review picked Clint Eastwood’s Letters From Iwo Jima as the best film of 2006. It’s a companion piece to Flags of Our Fathers that was released earlier this year to disappointing box office numbers.

* Andy Dick apologized for dropping the N bomb at a LA comedy club. What is it with spindly white comics going insane onstage lately?

* ABC has put The Nine on hiatus, which sucks, because as much as I love Heroes and Studio 60, The Nine’s the best new show of the year.

* Rumor is that we’ll get a look at a young Jack Sparrow in Pirates 3.

* George Clooney has optioned the movie rights to John Grisham’s new non-fiction book An Innocent Man.

* David Letterman renewed his contract with CBS, so we’ll be having Dave on The Late Show through 2010.

* 5 million of you bought the Pirates 2 DVD yesterday. Why would you do that? I’m friggin’ disappointed in all of you.

That’s all the interesting nuggets I can find. I’m going to go see if I can find an office with holiday candy.

The Terminator

So I’m the Assistant Registrar at Summit Career College. Basically, what that means is that I babysit about 1100 nursing students that weren’t bright enough to get into community college through their various life crises. Here’s an example: “I’m pregnant, homeless, my boyfriend is abusing me/drugs or me AND drugs, plus my car exploded so I’m pretty sure I can’t make it to class.” It’s fun. So every day there are anywhere from 2-10 of the little darlings that I have to terminate. “Terminate” means “expel” but SCC policy somehow thinks that a verb from a Schwarzenegger movie is more comforting. I have 8 people to terminate right now, so I’m going to go ahead and do that, knowing full well that they’ll wander in some time in the next week puzzled as hell as to why they’re not students here anymore.

Caving In

Fine. Alright. Here. I have had no less than a dozen people harrass me about starting a blog (usually MySpace) and I’m ashamedly caving in to peer pressure. I can’t stand MySpace, though, so this is what I’m using. All problems with that decision may be directed to the Department of No One Fricking Cares.

I’m still figuring out how to use this thing, and for once I have actual work to do, so I’m not sure when or how this thing will come together, but this is my attempt at blogging. I just blogged…..y’know I still think that word sounds illicit. Blog you all you blogging blogheads…..Lord, I need more coffee.

Renaissance News Report

Okay, so I used to publish a newsletter called The Renaissance News, the basic purpose of which was to share what I thought was interesting with my friends and to rant about that which I found stupid or awesome. The newsletter kind of got out of hand via email. I think at one point it was clogging the entire Wells Fargo email network (not MY fault) and got me investigated by OSHA for employing mythological creatures as typesetters (I maintain my innocence). So it occurs to me that I usually, about this time every day, peruse the newspapers and websites and I could use this forum to spew forth my thoughts on current events. So let’s see….

* New Secretary of Defense Robert Gates says we’re not winning the war in Iraq….and here I thought things had been going so darn well…

* There’s been a military coup in Fiji. I seriously have a good friend with ties there. I blame you, JB.

* New York has become the first state to outlaw trans-fat. How exactly is that going to work? Are there going to be National Guardsman stationed at the Lincoln Tunnel searching Doritos trucks?

* Should Mark McGwire get into the Hall of Fame even though we’re 90% sure that he was pumped up like a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Ballon o’ Steroids? It’s that darn 10% where we don’t have concrete proof that says to me, yeah, let him in, his numbers were awesome. If you find the smoking gun on any of these druggies later, expel them.

* That village in Romania that’s suing Sascha Cohen over Borat has been asked to refile their lawsuit with “some specific allegations”. Apparently “making us look like Khazakstanian douchebags instead of Romanian douchebags” wasn’t specific enough. Anyone in that movie signed a release and is guilty of pretty much just being dumb in front of a camera.

* Pirates of the Caribbean 2 comes out on DVD today, which just reminds me of how much I hated it and how puzzled I am as to why it did so well. Oh, if you’re looking for the best review of Pirates 2 of all-time, and a bunch of other hilarity, head to http://www.askaninja.com.

* Cate Blanchett agreed to be in a sequel to Elizabeth….I dunno why.

* If you want an early look at Die Hard 4, the trailer’s going to be attached to Blood Diamond this weekend.

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