Frosting is delicious. It’s awesome. If you have a spoonful of frosting, you think….oh sweet merciful heavens, this is outstanding. By spoonful two, you’re thinking….well, I still like frosting but I feel like I’m reaching saturation. Spoonful three and you’re mind is screaming THERE ARE STILL 90 MORE MINUTES LEFT IN THIS MINIONS MOVIE….. Point is, something meant to be used to make something ELSE better, may not be a great thing all on its own. In my analogy, you’re more than likely to be projectile vomiting frosting. I’m not sure if that’s worse than having to sit through 104 minutes of Minions.
There’s no doubt that the minions just absolutely stole the show in Despicable Me 1 & 2. However, in those films, the minions were supporting characters in films that had strong narrative structures that the minion horde would accentuate with occasional hijinks. Minions would have made a very nice short. If you took the prologue that explains the evolution of their species and tacked it on to the last 30 seconds of the film, you have everything that’s worth seeing in the film. Unfortunately, you’ve already seen 90% of that if you’ve watched the films trailers.
I want to be clear that, previous to today’s frosting overdose, I loooooved minions. In my previous place of employment (in which I was encouraged to be an adult), minions littered my desk. The film makes a mistake in separating out three minions (Kevin, Stuart and Bob) from the herd and sending them in search of a new, evil boss. The minions work best as a nameless force of silly chaos. Individualizing them means they have to talk to each other a lot. That means minonspeak. A LOT OF MINIONSPEAK. The minons speak in a language of their own that’s a combination of English, Spanish, French and Gibberish. In small doses, again, cute and funny. A solid hour forty-four minutes of it will leave you feeling like someone tried to steam clean your frontal lobe.
The portion of the film (and by this I mean that portion I suggesting cutting to make a short film) centers around the trio’s journey and eventual employment for supervillain Scarlet Overkill (Sandra Bullock….not a strong voice actor). The previous films in this series have been so sweet and so cleverly littered with humor that slays all ages, but the never ending pabulum that makes up this film’s plot is just (insert minionspeak). The film had the second-biggest opening of any animated film in history, so we’re undoubtedly going to get more minions, but if they’re all on their own again, I’ll send my 18 month old nephew to review the film. Anyone older is going to leave with a headache.
3.25/10 (and I’m being nice)