This is how I ended up at FF6 last night. My wife badly wanted to go to the movies and, for reasons we need not dwell on, that’s currently our only form of date night entertainment. So we’ve seen….pretty much everything. Looking at the schedule, we faced a fork in the road between Fast and Furious 6 and The Hangover III and F6 offered a 100% better chance that we wouldn’t have to see Ken Jeong’s penis. That’s what it came down to along with a series of coin flips. I have only seen the first Fast and Furious movie and as I related in posting the trailer for this film, the after experience was more interesting than the film itself.
I only saw that first film because I was with a group of car-obsessed friends. I thought it was crap. Haaaated it. However, my opinion was not the majority of the amped car-humping motor fiends in the audience. Once the credits rolled, people came busting out of that theater, crammed in their cars, and then all hell broke loose.
I don’t know what kind of car you were driving when this came out. I was in early undergrad as were my friends so none of us were coasting around in anything impressive (though that didn’t stop them from grafting spoilers and exhaust pipes the size of mortars onto their sensible family sedans). This herd of Ford Taurus, Chevy Malibus, etc. that had no business doing anything but the speed limit, exploded from their parking spaces like racing horses on meth. There was screaming metal, burning rubber, smoke billowing across the theater lot, testosterone pumping at such a high level that the light posts were growing hair, coordinated donuts were spiraling Diesel-esque wannabes hither, thither and yon. I was driving a 1994 Saturn, in which, I sat for a good hour until the cars had overturned themselves, spiraled onto the freeway or embedded themselves in the adjacent Wal-Mart. Terrifying as it was, it made a rather fascinating sociology study of what our future looks like should Mad Max turn out to be prophecy.
SO, having parked around back this time, we made our way inside and if this hasn’t come out clearly: I’m not a car guy. I love car chases when done well in films (Bournes 1-3, Ronin, Bullit, etc.) but my knowledge of and appreciation for cars extends to my desire to have them transport me to the destination I intended to go. That being said, I bet I’m the only one of you grease monkeys who’s taken one through a house so suck on that in the parking lot post-film (btw that is expensive The Day I Drove My Car Through My House). However, even if I were a car guy, I don’t thing it would have been possible for me to forgive the idiocy that is FF6.