Tag Archives: Transformers 5

No formal “In theaters” Column This Week

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Every now and again the messy business of reality intrudes its way into my writing schedule and knocks it right the heck off track.  I have an extremely …life-intensive weekend upcoming that will may see sparse posting until Monday.  Can’t be avoided.  Well, in this case, I actually HAVE avoided it successfully for quite a long time, but my intentionally vague…thing does not dovetail well with breezy, witty cinema banter.

And, no, it is not my annual depression following the release of yet another Transformers film that makes me launch into my “LET’S SHOOT MICHAEL BAY INTO THE SUN!” speech.  Though….imagine the YouTube traffic for that video.  Given that the current fifth installment in slowly curb-stomping my childhood involves Transformers interacting with King Arthur, and that they’ve STUCK MY LAST NAME ON THE MAIN HUMAN CHARACTER IN THIS FARCE, I could easily go into my annual apoplexy….but, no, we’re breathing, we’re breathing, aaaand there.  Transformers: The Last Knight will win the weekend, but its take looks like the record-low reviews (even for Transformers sequels) are catching up with it, but-have no fear-as China seems to love our crappiest films, there will be more than enough overseas gross to continue my annual torment.  Cars 3 had an underwhelming opening for Pixar, and I am wondering how much of a drop it will see in week 2.  I’m expecting Wonder Woman to keep holding strong with repeat business.  Sequel insanity continues next week with Despicable Me 3, which will get an actual column, not a rant (well the rant may be INSIDE the column).  Stab the minutes, time killers, stab the minutes.

Trailer Time: Transformers: The Last Knight Trailer #3 (2017) *For My World to Live, Yours Must Die*

While they haven’t specifically used the word, it seems clear that Unicron is the threat in Transformers: The Last Knight and that he is responsible for turning Prime evil (didn’t we do that already?) and trying to consume Earth.  While this is the least annoying of the trailers for the fifth live-action Transformers film, it still doesn’t give me any hope that anything has changed.  What’s more chilling is that director Michael Bay is claiming (I gave the source for CONTEXT) that 14 more Transformers films are in the works following next year’s Bumblebee spin-off, which will be a prequel.  Just mull that over.  TWENTY of these if they keep making money.  For what that will cost, we could go to Mars…..and leave Michael Bay there. Continue reading Trailer Time: Transformers: The Last Knight Trailer #3 (2017) *For My World to Live, Yours Must Die*

Trailer Time: Transformers: The Last Knight Trailer #2 (2017) *Pretty Much What Meets The Eye*

I try to make it a policy not to pre-hate movies (I reserve the right to occasionally diverge), with the exception of the Transformers series as directed by Michael Bay.  The Transformers were, and are to many people in my generation, an integral part of our childhood memories and Bay has despoiled them.  If they’d ALL been awful from the start I’d understand it more, but the first film was not bad.  It was flawed, but I got my chills moment of Peter Cullen’s voice emerging from a live-action Optimus Prime.  Since then, they’ve been crude, noisy, unbearably long, stupid, occasionally racist, degredations of everything that made the Transformers cool.  Also there’s been a weird move to make Optimus Prime act less and less like Optimus Prime until apparently he’s just the villain in this film.  I say apparently, because this trailer is weird.  It’s shot like a documentary of the life of a little girl who likes bots until things get splodey at the end.  Oh and in case you thought anything has changed, Grimlock barfs up a hatchback.  It’ll make a billion dollars.  Whenever they pry Bay from this franchise, if they even manage to get a genuine fan in the director’s chair, I don’t think you could undo the damage.  But since there will be one a year now, we’ll probably find out.  Transformers: The Last Knight will open June 23, 2017. Continue reading Trailer Time: Transformers: The Last Knight Trailer #2 (2017) *Pretty Much What Meets The Eye*

Trailer Time: Transformers: The Last Knight Teaser #1 (2017) *What Fresh Hell Is This?*

Ok….brace yourselves….we’re going to have to deal with a Transformers movie every year until people stop going to the bloated snorefests or until I can get my hands on Michael Bay and launch him into space.  I love the Transformers.  They were a huge part of my childhood, and I even liked the first Transformers movie.  It was flawed, but I still enjoyed it.  Then came one of the worst sequels ever followed by two more less offensive, but equally boring sequels.  This brings us to Michael Bay’s fifth Transformers film: The Last Knight.  Hasbro has put together a writer’s room for its properties and this film is written by the team that brought us Iron Man.  They’re also already planning a Bumblebee spin-off for 2018 and Transformers 6 in 2019.  Does the increased attention to putting a script behind Bay’s slomo explosions come out in this first trailer?  I’ll let you judge that for yourselves.  Coming Soon has more on the plot and returning characters below.  Transformers: The Last Knight will open June 23, 2017. Continue reading Trailer Time: Transformers: The Last Knight Teaser #1 (2017) *What Fresh Hell Is This?*